It must have been a slow news day last week when newspapers and radio and television stations announced the “groundbreaking” news that teen idol Justin Bieber is distantly related to actor Ryan Gosling and singers Avril Lavigne and Celine Dion.

Other than the devoted teenage followers of Bieber’s, the other 90 or so per cent of the population likely exclaimed, “Who cares?” It was an underwhelming fluff story that may have captured people’s attention for a minute or so, but it wasn’t exactly the type of news that was destined for discussion that morning at the water cooler — unless it was to be laughed at due to its non-news value.

Someone at ancestry.com obviously had some time on his hands, unearthing what he figured was a conversation piece suitable enough to make the morning news. Whether he’s puking on the concert stage or suggesting he should be able to fill up his car for free, we just can’t seem to get this guy out of our collective consciousness with all the news coverage he’s afforded.

The other day I was in a store and saw Justin Bieber singing toothbrushes. What tie-in commercial gimmick can possible top that? Apparently one simply presses a button and listens to him singing while brushing his or her teeth. I’m a big Sinatra fan, but I think I’d become weary in no time of “My Way” or “Strangers in the Night” if I had to hear those same two songs every time I brushed my teeth, especially if I’m a diligent two- or three-times-a-day brusher.

I wonder what Bieber’s cut is on these toothbrushes or the scores of other merchandise which bear his likeness. Financially, he’s not doing too bad for a guy who has gone from one bad haircut to another and who is destined to reach a height of five-foot-nothing. It goes to show that fame and fortune can overcome such personal setbacks as being vertically challenged and having questionable taste in hair grooming.

Twelve-year-old girls still love him to bits (of course, he’s taller than most of them) and he attracts a large following wherever he goes. But honestly, does anyone really care that some 17th century mason was a common ancestor of his and Celine Dion’s?

I have some interest in my family tree, but not to the extent that I’m willing to pay hundreds or thousands of dollars to dig back a dozen generations. I know my roots are in England and Scotland, and I’m aware what my grandfathers and great-grandfathers did for a living, but I don’t want to find out that I’m a descendent of Jack the Ripper or some other fiendish historical figure.

Genealogy is an interesting pursuit, but one which requires a lot of patience and drive. Patience is something I don’t have in abundance, so digging up the past is not for me. I prefer the results of my research to come to me instantly with the touch of a few keystrokes on Google.

To the person who unearthed The Bieb’s past, goodie for you. For most of us, your discovery of the links to those other Canadian celebrities and a few bucks will buy a cup of coffee.

Mike Jiggens is a Delhi resident. His column appears regularly in the Delhi News-Record