AGAR: Surviving to watch the sun come up
Article content
How about a little good news?
Years ago in Raleigh, North Carolina we were friends with a family that had children about the same age as ours.
I have a photo of my son and their daughter, Dylan, aged 8, baking a cake. She had such a wonderful smile. Seemingly innocent and carefree.
I have another photo in mind.
It is 20 years later, more or less, and Dylan stares out blankly from an arrest photo following a drug operation takedown in North Carolina.
From what I read, police found drugs, pill-making machinery, fake Xanax, a dark web operation, weapons, large amounts of cash, sports cars and digital coin accounts.
I think I know the pain her parents have suffered in the five years since.
I don’t know the pain she suffered.
But, last Tuesday in Fort Worth Texas, at a Mexican restaurant, my wife and I, our son Tanner and his girlfriend and Dylan’s parents had dinner with Dylan.
Dylan — clean and sober — is raising a daughter and working.
She is with the father of her child and he is clean, sober and employed as well.
It was inspirational and heart-warming.
She is clever, witty and beautiful.
She is also brutally honest. When I asked if it was OK for me to tell her story, and asked if I should use a pseudonym as opposed to her real name she said, “I have nothing to hide, so use my real name, please.”
I imagine the honesty – the willingness to confront the issue – will be helpful, but I have no expertise in that area of course. It is refreshing.
When I asked, “Where did you meet your partner, the father of your child?” she said, “In the gutter.”
Again with the honesty.
He got sober first and looked after the baby.
Was she sober during pregnancy? “No.”
The hospital knew the situation and held the baby for a few days. Thankfully, it appears the little girl is fine.
What if the drugs had negatively impacted the baby? “I wouldn’t likely have been able to get sober,” she said.
“My day was wake up and take heroin to feel better. Then making sure I had supply for later when I would again need to feel better. Then sell heroin to finance the whole thing.”
She was on heroin and meth and said she never felt like she fit in; but who is the popular kid at the party? The one who brought the drugs. That was her.
Those of us who are fortunate not to be addicted are aware on some level of programs like AA and similar drug programs, so I asked if she goes to meetings.
She said no. Doesn’t like the meetings. She also has no sponsor. She said they always preach finding your higher power, “so I go to church. I found my higher power.”
She said, “I am finally happy. I never was, even as a child.”
Is an addict always in the danger zone? Perhaps. I don’t know. Every person is different.
I am glad she is happy. I hope she is happy for another 60 or 70 years.
Neil Young said it best: “Every junkie is a setting sun.”
Last week, I saw the sun come up.
I wrote a song about it with Zoltan Horcsok.
Postmedia is committed to maintaining a lively but civil forum for discussion. Please keep comments relevant and respectful. Comments may take up to an hour to appear on the site. You will receive an email if there is a reply to your comment, an update to a thread you follow or if a user you follow comments. Visit our Community Guidelines for more information.