It’s date night on The Bachelorette as Emily Maynard makes her first picks from among the guys she wants to spend some one-on-one time with.
Maynard is a single mom and the season is taking place in her hometown of Charlotte, North Carolina. The show starts off with a heartwarming scene of Maynard asking her mom to take her daughter to soccer practice so she can go on her first date.
Two lucky men get solo dates, while others get a group date. The rest of the drooling men get to wait until the cocktail party before the rose ceremony to win Maynard over before she sends them packing.
Ryan, the 31-year-old pro sports trainer, gets the first solo date. “If you treat a woman like a queen, she’ll treat you like a queen,” he says quoting his pastor.
She takes him to her house to make snacks (orange slices) for her six-year-old daughter Ricky’s soccer team, declaring “not all dates are glamorous.”
As Ryan waits in the car for Maynard to drop off the snacks, he doesn’t waste time before telling the audience how stoked he is to be on the date before slurping on a juice box.
He seems like he’d be better fitted lifting weights in the gym than running errands with a soccer mom.
Maynard steps up the glamour when she drags the whole town out to cheer on a red carpet entrance to the restaurant she takes Ryan to for dinner.
A classic heart-to-heart ensues over wine, where she lets him know that she’s not just a “prize” and that the show isn’t just a “game.”
Obviously, he agrees.
Maynard fears he’s too perfect, like Brad (the Bachelor who chose her and later dumped her). But, she gives him a rose anyway and Ryan is safe until next week and they seal the date with a private dance floor in the midst of a crowd of people at a concert.
Cue the “awwwww” heard from all of the single women in North America.
Anyways, thirteen of the guys get to go on a group date . Maynard brings in Miss Piggy, Kermit the Frog and some other Muppets to help the guys put on a variety show.
This is where the lame guys really stick out, like Tony, the 31-year-old dad who does a pretty corny Kermit impression. And, Stevie the 26-year-old party MC who is wearing a horrible fedora.
But, with a job like that and a name like Stevie, I guess a douchey hat is to be expected.
Charlie, the 32-year old recruiter, has a rough time with the challenge.
Apparently he fell off a high balcony and was in a coma after "crushing his face," according to the guys. Charlie tells Maynard that he has a hard time with his speech since the accident and has some insecurities with going on stage. He opts for dancing instead of his assigned act. She thinks it’s adorable.
There’s some pretty eye-rolling acting in the middle of the date between Maynard and Kermit but I guess the show is trying (unsuccessfully) to get some laughs from the audience.
Emily’s daughter is in the audience as the guys put on a variety show with The Muppets. Again, it brought some eye-rolling. It was pretty awkward watching them all perform while trying to win over the bachelorette at the same time.
Next is the cocktail party where the guys get to really duke it out for Maynard’s attention. The classic interruptions and cheap antics take place, as if scripted. The guys also start to get on each other’s nerves, like any testosterone party.
Jeff gets a rose and Chris is upset, thinking he definitely had it in the bag.
Joe, the 27-year-old field energy adviser, snags the second one-on-one date. His slicked-back long hair and pink plaid shirt is a bit underdressed as a private jet flies them off to West Virginia.
Luckily, they soon strip down to go swimming and Maynard shows off her ripped post-baby abs.
Dinner goes well as they discuss having more babies and she says she doesn’t quite feel butterflies when she’s with Joe. She cries as she doesn’t give him a rose.
Round two of the cocktail party takes place where the guys have one last chance to win Maynard over before the rose ceremony. More corny antics, like handwritten letters from Ryan and jealous onlooking from Tony (he’s really not very smooth). Kalon has clearly struck a nerve with most of the guys and spends most of the night as an outcast. He definitely seems like the whiniest guy of the group.
In the end, Aaron the 36-year-old biology teacher (with the super cute glasses) and Kyle the 29-year-old financial adviser go home.
This is going to be a slow season, ladies.